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Feb. 11th, 2014 | 08:54 pm
music: Confession- Hot Potato
posted by: nim_hwa_neul in colormeuntitled
Summary: Minseok is tired of holding it in, of denying his feelings.
Warnings: none. has one swear in it. literally just one. also, dialogue heavy I guess??
a/ n: w hipped up a quick fic since I have yet to deliver anything else. thanks to xiuminseokkk for the prompt~
Minseok knew he had a reputation as a being cold guy. Pretty much the whole school saw him as the weird, lone wolf senior who never spoke to anybody. Minseok might have been like that when he first started high school but he wasn’t sure how the rep managed to stick for so long. It’s been three years and Minseok had long since came out of his shell and even made a small group of friends. Despite this, he was still known as the school’s “the ice cold hyung”. (Lu Han joked that it was because he was literally always freezing despite the weather.)
Minseok actually didn’t mind having the reputation. He was never really bothered by what others thought of him and his friends obviously didn’t let a few rumors deter them from becoming, well, his friends. And even with his rep, Minseok was rarely at the top of people’s gossip list.
Until recently that is.
“They’re all talking about you.” Lu Han said as he took his usual spot next to Minseok. It wasn’t the way Minseok wanted to start his lunch hour but Lu Han was never a person of subtly. “They really won’t let your lone wolf days die will they?” Lu Han laughed and Minseok might’ve laughed with him if he weren’t so upset about it.
His problem wasn’t that students were suddenly talking about him again. His problem was who the students were talking about him to.
Wu Yifan was the transfer student from Canada who suddenly popped up three months ago. He was extremely tall, handsome and multilingual, but his intimidating aura alone was enough for him to become the school’s hot topic. People thought that he would be even colder than Minseok but it turned out that Yifan was just shy and even a bit dorky. Once people caught a glimpse of his true personality, they flocked to him birds to bread crumbs. His popularity rose almost instantly and Minseok was left being the sole holder of the cold guy title once more.
Minseok held nothing against Yifan for this. The guy was extremely kind and playful and sporty and (from what he’s heard) had a great taste in music. Thanks to Joonmyun (ever the social initiator of his friends) Minseok was able to go on a few group outings where he managed to hold a few conversations with Yifan. He was very decent- Minseok didn’t dislike the guy at all. He actually liked him. He liked him a lot.
To put it bluntly, Minseok had a crush on Yifan.
And just a week ago, for whatever reason, people suddenly decided to bring his quiet reputation to Yifan’s attention. No matter how lighthearted, the rumors about him were in no way flattering and he didn’t want to think about how Yifan’s impression of him was being warped beyond repair. It would be easy enough to get up and tell students to shut their traps but the thought of word reaching Yifan always made him clam up. Words were far too easy to twist and Minseok didn’t want to risk making things worst for himself.
“I’m not interesting so I don’t understand why they seem to have so much to say.” Seriously, they’d been talking about him for a week. It’s as if they were recapping his entire school life for Yifan.
“You’re plenty interesting,” Joonmyun, piped up. “But they don’t really know you, and not knowing someone makes it a lot easier to talk about them.” Joonmyun nodded proudly at his own words. Minseok scoffed.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” Jongdae said through a mouthful of food. “They’ll talk for a while then things will get quiet again and you’ll be good. All the girls just want a reason to stay on Yifan’s ass.” Jongdae was the most recent addition to Minseok’s group yet he acted like he’d been around for years.
“I’m not worried.” That was a lie. Minseok was very worried. He’s had a crush on Yifan practically since his arrival. He thought that it would past within a week or so but it only grew stronger with time. Minseok wasn’t used to such a strong feeling and he honestly had no idea how to handle it. So he did what he did best. He ignored it. Sure it lead to stomach cramps and heart palpitations, but at least no one knew his secret.
“Well good,” Lu Han stared at Minseok with a look that he knew all too well. The aura of the conversation suddenly shifted. “Wouldn’t want you too distracted when I take on the Challenge.”
Joonmyun and Jongdae both turned to Lu Han, a mixture of shock and fear on their faces. “You wouldn’t dare.” Even Jongdae new how dangerous the Challenge was but he had yet to realize that Lu Han lived off of danger.
“Oh I dare. And this time, I am not going to lose.”
Minseok couldn’t stop the smirk that formed on his lips. “You’re on.”
And just like that, his worries about Yifan melted away.
“Is Lu Han-hyung still crying?” Jongdae asked as he and Minseok returned from the kitchen with snacks. After school they immediately headed to Minseok’s apartment where they popped in his favorite fighting game. He had mastered it way before the others came around and was so far undefeated. Joonmyun and Jongdae gave up on trying to beat him long ago but it was Lu Han who always came back for more.
“I’m not crying!” The Chinese boy was curled up on the couch, facing away from everyone. Even though he actually wasn’t crying, he definitely sounded pouty.
“We told you not to do it.” Joonmyun said casually. “But you never learn.”
Minseok took a seat in front of the couch and grabbed his controller. “Want to go another round? You never know, thirty-two might be your lucky number.” There was a long pause before Lu Han turned around looking hopeful. Minseok barely noticed Joonmyun shaking his head before Lu Han hopped up, suddenly filled with energy.
They played again and as it turns out, thirty-two wasn’t Lu Han’s lucky number (neither was thirty-three or thirty-four….) and Minseok remained the reigning champ of fighting games. After finally admitting defeat, the group popped in some random rom com movie as they enjoyed their snacks. It was simple things like this that made Minseok happy. He really did have some great friends who he wouldn’t trade for the world. He really loved them.
But he still couldn’t find the guts to tell them about Yifan.
He wanted to tell them- for the sake of his health if nothing else- but he just couldn’t. His rep held some truth to it when it came to his expressions. He still came off as stoic but it was never intentional, he just had difficulty expressing himself. Any attempts usually lead to Minseok nervously shutting things out and forgetting about them. His friends were helping him but Minseok had yet to reach the level where he could comfortably talk about things like crushes.
With a million things now flooding his mind, Minseok watched the movie with only mild interest and before he knew it, it was over. He heard his friends voice a few opinions about the movie before the lights were flicked back on.
“Well I should go before my mom has a fit….” Jongdae gathered his things and Joonmyun quickly followed, muttering about needing to make sure Jongdae got home safe. They went to put on their shoes but Lu Han lagged behind.
“Want me to stay here a little longer?” He sounded worried and Minseok knew it was because his parents wouldn’t be home until late. Lu Han still thought that the older boy got lonely. He was right but he didn’t need his friends to babysit him all the time.
“Nah, it’s ok,” he said easily as he cleaned up his mess. “I’m not going to cook dinner for you this time so you might want go home.” It took a moment but Lu Han’s worried look melted into a smile.
“Ok, see you tomorrow then.”
Minseok nodded and watched as his friends left together. Once they were gone, he let out a sigh and looked around his empty apartment. It felt colder than usual.
It was nearing midnight but Minseok found himself unable to sleep. His mind was too clouded making it hard to properly relax. He tossed and turned before finally giving up and getting out of bed. He needed to get some things off of his chest.
Tugging on a hoodie, Minseok made his way to the balcony. The night air was chilly and Minseok briefly debated about grabbing a cover before just sitting down. Even in the late hour the city was still very much alive and as noisy as ever. Minseok found it comforting, the familiarity of it relaxing him somewhat. He could sit and watch the city for hours, but that’s not what he came out for.
“It’s been a while hasn’t it?” Minseok looked towards the sky to find the moon nearly full and glowing beautifully. Though the city lights made it hard to see the stars, the moon was always easy to spot.
Minseok heard from various sources that things like journals and diaries were good for releasing emotions and thoughts. He tried it once before and while it did help to a degree, he didn’t like there being a physical record of his mushy feelings. So eventually he found an alternative- talking to the moon. It was a bit silly and really just a roundabout way of saying talking out loud, but it was effective. He didn’t do it often, but being able to talk to something that was incapable of commenting or judging but still seemed to listen worked wonders.
“Last time…last time I said a little about Wu Yifan…” Minseok paused and took a deep breath. It was always bit awkward at first. “Tonight I guess I have more to say about him….A lot more actually. I didn’t want to admit this, but it’s been eating me up inside lately. I feel like if I don’t say it soon, then my heart is going to give out or something.” His heart sped up a little, as if to prove his point.
“….It turns out that I have a crush on him. A really big crush. I never liked someone as much as I like him and it’s been freaking me out a little. I don’t know how to handle it, especially since now he’s knows my reputation. I hung out with him a few times before he really knew but…I’m not sure if it was enough for him to ignore what others are saying. I probably shouldn’t like a guy who would believe rumors so easily anyway huh.” Minseok laughed a little and hugged his knees to his chest.
“Yifan doesn’t seem like the type who is easily influenced but I can’t stop worrying about it. Even if he isn’t, there’s still the very high chance of him not liking me back….I actually wish that I had the courage to tell him just so I could get rejected faster and get over this mess.” Minseok sighed at his lack of confidence and thought it over.
“Or actually….I sort of wish my life was like a romantic comedy. Those always end well. I could just go to school, accidently bump into Yifan or something- we’d laugh, he’d ask me out and then our relationship would just blossom easily from there. And other crap would randomly go well for me too, like some years later I’d open up a café or something.” Minseok laughed at the thought even though it did sound rather appealing.
“Ahh, I just want….I want something. I want to be able to talk to him more- and not in a group. Just the two of us. Even if I’m never able to confess, I’d like to at least get to know him better….” Minseok felt his cheeks heat up at the thought. He was pretty sure that he wouldn’t be able to handle being alone with the other boy, not without collapsing or something equally horrible happening. He huffed.
“I don’t know….I’m not even sure what I want. I’m just really tired of hiding this….I just….I really like Yifan….”
Minseok felt thoroughly embarrassed after his confession but also much lighter. He sat there for a while, just enjoying the night before the cold became too much. “Ok. Time to hopefully get some sleep now.” He hopped up and took once last look at the sky.
“Thanks for listening.”
On the balcony right above Minseok’s, Yifan sat with his hand over his mouth- his cheeks hot and his heart racing.
-I think I'm going to continue this au (as if I don't have a million others already)
it just ended up having more behind it than I intended and yeah...idk
I like it though